I’m trying to avoid looking up from my computer right now, Joyce, our lovely office-grandmother keeps looking over at me frantically through her Iris Apfel glasses at the copier. Every day, at least three times a day, I have to get up and help Joyce perform the simple task of working modern technology, “Lynn, sweetheart, could you come over and help me, this darn thing is beyond me.” I’m like seriously lady, you’re 106 why do you work here? “Oh, I haven’t worked since I was in my 30s, my husband, Ed took care of me for years. My doctor said I need to get out and meet people, so I’m just here for a little recreation.” Must be nice. I’m here to avoid starvation and provide a luxurious life for my cat, Mugs, and me in our little studio apartment on the East side. She keeps clearing her throat and sighing heavily. Nope, not today old lady, not going to get my attention, you’re going to have to find someone else to help you with your under-qualified computer skills. Honestly, WHY DOES SHE WORK HERE? Just have to keep ignoring her until… Oh! Great, Daniel is stopping by… prick.
Daniel, the company slut. I’ll tell you what, even in college, I’ve never met a man-slut as slutty as the slut Daniel Peterson. He’s not only made his way around the office, he’s lapped himself in the skank-Nascar. He’s even worked his way through the Einstein’s next door… Which is actually kind of nice because he gets the company sweet bagel deals. But I digress, Daniel is a disgusting cockroach that you can’t step on because the diseases he’d leave on the bottom of your shoe are untreatable and contagious. His favorite office-jargon phrase is “let’s touch base.” I say not even in a scientific cleanroom
This morning we got a memo stating that the term “brain-storming” was no longer to be used because it “my have negative connotations associated with temperamental fits.” We are from now on to refer to them as “idea showers.” God, I hate this place.
TheGrotesqueDiariesofTheObscene 